Things to Know About the Bargaining Stage of Grief

Many mental health professionals believe that there are five stages of grief that people experience. While stages such as denial and anger are fairly self-explanatory, one stage that can be confusing for some people is the bargaining stage. A grief support counselor can help you successfully navigate each of these stages following the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, or any other challenging event you've experienced. If you believe that you're in the bargaining stage, look for a local grief support counselor and book a session. Here are some things that are useful to know about this stage of grief.

What It Looks Like

There's a good chance that you're experiencing the bargaining stage of grief if you're creating several hypothetical scenarios in your head. Often, these thoughts can dominate your mind for an extended period of time. For example, if you have recently been experiencing ending your marriage, you might keep thinking, "If only I had paid more attention to my spouse, they wouldn't have left me." Or, you might think, "If I could get them to come back to me, I'd be a better spouse."

Why It's Problematic

The bargaining stage might not seem as overt as the other stages of grief. For example, if you're in the anger stage, people around you might be aware of your anger and are better able to offer some help, perhaps by encouraging you to talk to a grief counselor. In the bargaining stage, people may not be aware of what you're going through because more often than not you're keeping your thoughts to yourself. The result can be that you feel stuck by continuing to have these thoughts, which isn't allowing you to move forward and deal with your grief in a constructive manner.

How A Counselor Can Help

If you begin to meet with a grief support counselor while you're in the bargaining stage of grief, you can expect that they'll be able to help you in a number of ways. While your counselor will likely give you a chance to share the thoughts that have been dominating your mind, they'll also work gently with you to move past these thoughts. For example, if there's no chance of you reconciling with your ex-spouse, your counselor will help you understand that continuing to have "If only" thoughts will not help you progress. As you gain this understanding, you'll be able to move forward with your life.

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